Recently I have been feeling nostalgic.

Today is Saturday. I gave the LeetCode biweekly contest and could solve only the first question completely and the second question partially. Then that heaviness set in. At first, I didn’t know what to call it, but I realized it then—it’s been so long since I’ve thought about all those people who once meant so much to me.

I started thinking and felt that heaviness in my chest. You know, it’s not enough to make you tear up, but it’s a tough feeling to sit with—the kind where you can see how much you’ve grown and changed, but there’s still a lingering ache that comes from realizing how things unfolded. It’s like a bittersweet acceptance of how life has shaped you, and how certain people or moments were part of that journey, even if they weren’t what you hoped for. It’s not the same as wanting to go back, but there’s a quiet weight to that realization. You are not the same now. Things did happen, and now you’ve changed.

I think back to how I slowly moved on from old relationships, ones that once felt like they defined me. At the time, I thought I’d always stay connected, but life changes you, and with that change comes the need to accept the distance. Sometimes people hold onto old dynamics because they’re familiar, comforting, and easy, but you have to remember that you’ve changed. And that change is a part of moving forward, even when it’s hard.

I’ve also found myself growing apart from old friends. It’s not always a dramatic split; it’s more of a shift in priorities and lifestyles. The friendships that once seemed like the center of everything now feel like memories. And while that’s tough, it’s also part of evolving.

Maybe this reflection is also triggered by a recent failure in an interview, something I’d been working toward for months. It was crushing. I hadn’t felt that disappointed in a long time. Sometimes life really does suck, but it’s in those moments where you see how much strength you’ve built along the way.

I look back and miss the version of me who used to wear her heart on her sleeve—who let everyone in, with no safety net, no armor. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to protect your heart. You can only trust those who wish the best for you, and it’s your responsibility to keep that heart safe. It’s not your fault that you get hurt, but it is your fault if you keep focusing on the hurt and let it define you. It’s important to have backups, not just in your plans, but in your emotional safety.

It’s heavy, but if you focus on how much you’ve grown and evolved, it can be freeing.